iFears

Recently I lost my smartphone. My greatest concern was that my gmail was signed in, in that phone. There was no way of removing that device from my google account. I could, nevertheless, change my password and protect my mail from then on. But, for the first time, the incident incited in me a new kind of fear. For the first time I felt creepy about my online security.

For the first time, it opened my eyes as to how much vulnerable I am, and all of us are, to our online data security. I was just reminded how much depended I am on these networks and devices. What if one day, my laptop crashes and I lose all the valuable data that I stored in it. What if one day google deletes my account? I could ofcourse, back up the data. But how much data will I back up and how many levels of backups would I do. How much hardware would I need?  Now, don't tell me about using the Cloud. It somehow makes me feel exposed. Yeah, I know a great deal about cloud computing, its protocols, types etc and yeah, I even know all my accounts like gmail and FB are on cloud. But, still when I had the option to backup or not to backup my ipad on the icloud, I chose the latter.  

Sometime back, I painstakingly scanned and made digital records of all the old and treasured photographs at home. Those photographs were getting spoilt or already were. I remember my emotions that day I completed scanning all of them. "Now I am gonna fix you guys up in photoshop and then nothing can touch you!!!".  

The first thing I did after coming out of the hangover of losing my phone was to copy all the contents on my laptop including those photos to my external drive. I am still not calmed, but for the moment have my fingers crossed. 

We just take it for granted that nothing will go wrong for us. We know about all the unfortunate things that can happen. But they don't happen to us, do they? And when they eventually does, we go hulla-bulla.

I had read about email accounts getting hacked and being deleted by the service providers themselves and all. But until recently they were all alien concepts. Until the day may dad's got blocked. We tried our best to retrieve it but in vain. I doubt if it is some corporate strategy to be paid for the retrieval.(Sort of ransom? you pay us this much and we release your valuable info!! But what the hell!! my dad could go without it.) But thank God, from that day, I dont have any critical info saved in my mail either. 

Like that non-trustworthy boyfriend, keep your distance from these online accounts. they could ditch you any moment. But yeah! you need them until they do! :-p

I remember sharing a link on my FB wall sometime back - "Google is watching you!". It described the analytics google uses to track user search options etc. I had an uneasy feeling after watching that video. The feeling just worsened now. It's my privacy that is being encroached. These days. you tube makes recommendations to me as to what I should be watching. Now, come on ya, just because I liked a movie some day, doesn't mean I would always prefer that genre. 

Somewhere, within all the comforts that technology provides, our lives are being affected. Of course we have to move with the tide and it is the technology wave that we are riding. In the last few years technology has indeed created a revolution and I am definitely enjoying every bit of it. I am thankful that today I have google to find solution to any of my problems and that I have skype which has helped me travel in time. (I am talking about the time differences when I talk with my brother in Canada, my sister in India. This brings me to a philosophical thought as to what is time? :) may be in the next post!!), ofcourse at the cost of my privacy. 

I am a great connoisseur of technology. To be honest, I am totally awed by the analytics these sites use and the concept of cloud and all. But like everything else, technology also need to be used with caution. Because there could be some evil doer out there trying to take advantage of that teeny-weeny hole in the fabric of these technology. 

And also be ready to bare yourself out there, because in that digital space you are completely exposed!

...

Unread books, bookmarked websites, snoozing reminders, pending friend requests, untold stories, unblogged thoughts...

The list is huge, I know. These are a few of the unkept promises that I could think of at this moment. The list had been growing for quite some time and this moment I start to dust my to-do list.

Just a thought.

It always appears to me that my image in the mirror is different from that in any of my photographs. It could be for the good or for the worse. At some occasions the image in the mirror is better and at some the photos.

But for any one else it is the same. They look the same to me in person as in their photos.

After hours of thought I have come up with many reasons, but the the one I found the closest to my heart is this :

My image in the mirror is the way I see myself, whereas the photograph is somebody else' perception of me!

Photograph is just a moment in the past. It is past tense, but the reflection in the mirror is the present. Even as I analyse it, it has replaced itself with the latest version. My mind is not even given enough time to retain a copy, it has to work on the continuously updating images.

I have arrived.

Well, finally I'm here.

Had always looked forward to being here and am happy that finally I'm here. ;-)

So perhaps the coming blogs might some how be related to NIT-C and MBA.

Ah!! That reminds me, let me put across my MBA experience so far.

I seriously believe an MBA is better done after an initial industry experience. It helps you connect so much with what you are studying. I do that. For everything I learn here, I try to find some sort of an example or relation from my previous life! And many a time, I can find it. :-).

Hey, but all work ex people in the class could be really boring yaar.

It is those people right out of college who are the real charm of the class.

For one thing, they take me down a year or two or more along my ageline ;-), but more seriously they proclaim aloud the innocence and naivety of life. And I simply love being around them, happy that I can share their zeal.

And about the pedagogy, what more do I say than that I have never looked forward to attending a lecture though the subject may not be my favourite ones. :-).

As they rightly claim they teach us such that we don't even realize that we are being taught.

What I find the most attractive about the course is that we are taught how to think. We are taught to be better people. We are taught to understand ourselves better. We are taught to relate to us and to everyone around us better. But what gets me wondering is why this delay yaar? Why did it take all these years for our educational system to give me these wisdom? Some may disagree, blame my choice of institutions. But the fact is that there have been people like me affected. It would have made a lot better if in our school curricula we were taught at least HOW TO THINK.

Perhaps everybody should be doing an MBA. Or atleast every professional.Management is something we all do throughout our lives, then why not be a little scientific? The course is hectic, but it is not tough. It requires hardwork and daily effort, but it doesn't have tough equations or formula.

Well, really looking forward to the time here.

5 Basic needs of Man!!

1.

2

3.

4.

And above all......

5.

on a heavier note ;-)

The phenomena of 'life and 'death' have always intrigued me like it does most people.
And nobody can give any precise information except that death is a certainity in life.But nobody actually knows what happens after death or what happens before birth.Only theories and guesses supplemented by theology and philosophies,but no hard core evidences.But lack of evidence is not a reason for not believing in it,is it?For life and death unfolds before us ,every moment ,as inevitable truths.
These are perhaps two transcient states.(Yes,again a 'perhaps'!).May be we pass on to the same dormant state after death like the earlier amniotic state.

Sometimes going by 'The Book'definitely helps.It can ignite a spark of curiosity.It can encourage the mind to pursue the possibilty.It urges to'Think!'
Relegious scriptures tell us about the soul being indestructible.It actually supports a life after death,no matter which relegion,whether it is resurrection or the reincarnation.

And yes,I do beleive in it,that death is not the end,but the beginning of an eternal journey.

These are just rumblings of an ever curious mind!!!

What is so special about 25Feb??? ;-)

There was a time when I used to wait for it to be the 25th of feb.
I would start the count down from the New years day and eagerly wait for the day.
More than the gifts and cards,it thrilled me more to find out how many of my friends and other close people actually remembered.
Of late,the thrill has been fading.Maturity I guess. ;-)
And since last year,I had been dreading the date.I some how wanted time to freeze, so that it wouldn't be 25th feb this year.But the truth is ,I can ignore it,I can overlook it,but today it's the 25th feb of another year. I am one more year older and the fact is staring back at me from my mirror!!!How I hate being on the other side of 20.

But yes!even today all my friends and close people have made my day!
The best thing I like about birthdays is that it is a day when the world comes calling at you,literally ;-)

Amidst all the routine greetings and messages,I have noticed that few things haven't changed.Not that I am complaining.Nonetheless it was amusing to note.
I woke up today at midnight to the same voice who has been greeting me birthday the first for the past few years,ever since we became friends in hostel.
The same people needed to be reminded to wish me(They know the date,but have to be reminded that the date is actually that of today ;-).Since their wishes mean a lot,I didn't mind asking for it.And then, it is not my birth I am celebrating,but their being my parents.)
And finally,as usual my brother called me up at midnight,but had to be prodded to wish me.These sort of wishing and all are a bit embarassing in the family,to receive and to give.;-)

Thank you all, for your wishes

'Kollifying'English

Q : What do people do on twitter?
A : They tweet!

Q : What are people who tweet called?
A : Tweeple.

Q : And where do i get all these information from?
A : Tweetipaedia

In the past few years , perhaps, more words have been added to our lexicons than before.Though only a few have made their way into the official lists others still find their place in our conversations.
Words like orkutting,tweeting are still informal while those like Banglored have made their way into the Oxford dictionary.

With new inventions and changed lifestyles came either new words or new contexts for many already existing words.
Like 'to chat' might have been used only to mean 'to converse' till sometime back.But today it largely means to chat on the 'net'.



Also words like 'padipist'(to mean a nerd) led to the development of regional variants of English like 'Monglish'and the like

English evolved from the German and latin languages and borrowed into its arsenal a whole load of foreign words and phrases.It developed for itself a grammatical structure and absorbed into it all the new terms that were popularly used.Just when we thought nothing could harm its newly acquired status there lay another axe waiting to slay it.

With service providers competing with one another for charging lesser and lesser per alphabet,the mobile users have been chopping the language into tinier and tinier bits.The complete jargon of letters,yet succeed in making their point.



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ADDENDUM
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This is in the context but slightly stretched out.But I am adding it for the lighter touch ;-)
I am reminded of two words whose usage I have been able to put in new contexts over the years.
The first one would be 'bit'.
I graduated from the 'bits' of paper in the nursery classes to 'bits' as units of digital information in my engineering college(GEC).
But GEC also taught me another bit. A bit which I could use in exams! ;-)

'Release' is another such word of interest for me.
We all know what the verb means.
Since my college days,again,they held a new meaning to me.Specially on fridays.That of a movie being 'released'.
The niceness about the word ,however, vanished soon. ;-(
It held a different meaning for me in Bangalore,and that too, coincidentally on the same fridays!!
My weekly software release!And it came to be a dreaded verb.
Thankfully,I am 'released' from that scene.

As I rack my brain,perhaps, more such 'bits' would fall down.I shall be updating this blog as and when I encounter them.
.......

The creator or the creation??

From time unknown,Man has been questioning his existence.
He has been forever trying to find his origin.
Yet,even centuries later,the quest remains incomplete.And like everybody else,I am curious too

I don't know if there is a specific reason we all exist.It could just be the game of a superior intellect.There was a time when we thought ourselves to be string puppets at the hands of the creator.The strings break, the game over.Today can't we relate the idea to an Xbox or Playstation game.The string may be invisible.The game however is controlled by the Player outside.The time expires,and the game is over for the actor inside.Tomorrow as we conquer greater avenues of wisdom,perhaps a novel explanation would arise.

Scientists fervently are searching for that God-particle which actually gives life.Today science can create everything, except life.Robots can be made to look like and do things as perfectly as any living being.Yet,what is that differentiates them from us?The spark of life!
Can we ever create that invisible yet prevailing inexplicable screen called soul??
In this search for that ultimate truth are we actually privying???

Let us assume science(or God?) actually gives life to what we call the robots,then are we actually paving way for the next stage of evolution.From neandarthals to apes to homosapiens and then to robots?Is it then, the part of a greater design??
Are we then the Creator or the creations??

We can never be the Creator,it could only be our thoughts or intellect.Perhaps a part of that superior intellect manifests in each of His creations.

All Izz Well

Good things happen to good people.
This is an adage I've heard often.
And it had me doing things which I judged to be good so that I'd be good and good things would happen to me.
However,I could find no changes in the way 'things' were.
Life just went on as usual,bringing in its wake, both pleasantnesses and unpleasantnesses.
Then I read somewhere that expecting good things to happen to good people is like believing a lion not to eat you because you are a vegetarian!

Now!!Was I confused.

Somehow,I don't beleive that either of the above sayings is more credible than the other.
To me both are true.
You cannot expect good returns unless you have worked for them.Miracles don't just happen as such.You reap only that which you have sown.

And the best thing I have noticed in good people is their attitude.Let the sky fall upon them,they remain unfazed.Troubles,difficulties the terms merely don't exist for them.All izz always well for them!!

Facing fears

What is the greatest inhibition on our way to winning our desires.
Fear, I would say.
We are all scared of something or the other,right?
We all have fears of varying degrees for various things.
And how can we win over fear.

The best,or perhaps the only,way I would say,will be to face it.
Face your worst fears.Don't run away from them.
Easier said or blogged than done,I know.

Might not be a great example but here is a tiny incident which will definitely give me the power punch next time a fear holds me back.
I had always been scared to ride a vehicle.I knew how to ride.I had confidence I could ride well and I even had a license.Still,a very weak twine from within always held me back.Then,one fine day, with some encouragement and support, I managed to take my 2 wheeler out.It went fine.I thought it raised my confidence level.But the fear had been stll lurking inside and it manifested as recurring nightmares.Every night I would see one or the other images of me and my Activa falling down.Somehow I would force myself to give one more try the next day.And one day,as if reliving my nightmares,I actually fell with the vehicle.I still remember how i felt.It was exactly the same fear I had in my nightmares.I knew if I let that fear win this time I would never touch a vehicle again.I gave it a shot again and yes it did help a lot.My fear has subsided greatly.And I can be sure of it by the decreased frequency of my nightmares!

Sometimes, a simple incident like this becomes an eye opener when thought about deeply.May be the rules can be applied elsewhere too.

Change of title

I thought this is better..

"-----------------"

At the end of the day,
All that I need is
You by my side.
To sit beside you
and dream as we always do
To just hug you
and feel loved
To just cuddle unto you
and feel safe
Wipe away my tears,dad
Like you did the other day I failed that exam
I am your little one dad,
And will just be.

At the end of the day,
All that I need is
You by my side.
A little space in your lap,mom
To rest my heavy heart.
Every time you ask me to take care,
I would look back and growl.
Now, take care of me mom,
Lest I lose my way
I am your little one
And will always be.

At the end of the day,
All that I wish is
To be just like you.
As beautiful as you mom
As brave as you dad
As loving as you both
As wonderful as you both

I'm nothing without you,
All I am is just you.
I love you,
Not just for what you are
But also for what I am
because of you

I Dream

It is an established fact that pisceans are dreamers.
I am happy to be in the club ;)

I will not talk about the reveries we have. They are hopeful thinking. The long cherished wishes we have.They are something we have control over.

What I would like to talk about here is the real dream. The movie which flashes on our unconscious mind.

I actually like analysing them after I wake up.Not that I remember everything.But I try my very best to put the pieces together.
Most of my dreams are related to some events or people from my life. May be because they had been in my mind for long and the effect of these dreams linger long too. I can feel the emotions for long. They feel a sort of dejavu. That's why I try to erase them quickly

But then, the interesting type of dream is the other kind. The real fantasy ones.Like in hollywood movies.(I would say the first kind is bollywood style-emotions,relations etc etc and this one is hollywood style-style,action,adventure)
Let me describe few such ones,just for the joy of sharing them ;)

The recent one is something really fantastic. I can't put it in words. Am not that good at writing ;) and secondly don't have the patience
It goes like this...
I am being chased by some people. Don't know if I were the villain or the hero;)
But suddenly I realize I have become invisible. ;-)
Wow!!!There is no reflection for me in the mirror.
There is more to it,somethings to which I cannot apply any logic.;-)
So I excuse myself from describing them. Its something like,the invisible me taking the form of water,like in Hollow man(hope i am correct.Am not that into English movies), wind etc ;)

Then there is another one.
I jump from a cliff and land in something like a highland. A picturisque location like in some classic English movies.Some sort of a meadow in between snow capped mountains with a stable and all. But there was only a white horse. I even rode it at some point in my dream ;).God knows how!!
Then some lady,dressed in a very long velvety gown appears.Yes, I remember her face and details even now.She was not scary but appeared very powerful. She rose her hands to the sky and chanted something and then somebody whispered to me that she is a demi-goddess. [The surprise is, that was the first time I remember hearing that word. Later when I woke up and referred the dictionary, the word actually was there.;). May be had read it somewhere sometime.] But I couldn't recall her name,Schade!!!;-(
I haven't read a Harry potter so far, but have heard about it from friends and cousins.
May be a lil' influenced;)

In another one, I actually entered some magic land. Some scene like in Smurfs ;-). I think I was seeing a lot of cartoons then.

These adventurous ones are really fun. Later when I think about them, I feel I had been to some other world and back.

God takes the soul everytime we sleep and then put it back into our bodies when we wake up.
Is the soul in another realm then??Do they really experience these dreams???

Some schocolade fundas

I love chocolates!!!

Those dark, brown beauties!!!

When it comes to chocolates,I forget all about those calories and aerobics.

I have seriously got a very serious addiction to them and the worst part is that I don't have the slightest guilt.;-)

And the dark queen who has won my heart is

I can have these at any time of the day or the night.The only problem is though I start with a small piece ,I don't stop until the whole stuff is finished.;-)

As they say"No one can have just one!!!" Or rather "I can't have just one!!!"

And then after I have devoured the last bit, the cravings start again.

I don't mind those nuts and crunches in them though I am not a fan(but I don't mind having them under extreme conditions),but I can't stand the dry fruits and caramel.Why do they spoil the taste of fine,creamy chocolates!!

And now finally, the award to the chocolate I hate the most goes to--dark chocolate!!!

"Applause!!!"

I hate them. Yeek!!!And those wine/alcohol chocolates too. Sorry,I forgot their name.Even if I go chocolate starving for ages,I will not have even a piece of those.I swear! ;-)

so now you guys know what to treat me and how!!

The Monsoons

Across mountains and deserts,
I come to you,
To shower my love onto you
To drench you in my love

Across oceans and seas,
I come to you,
To rest my heart in your palms.
To present myself to you

Happy Monsoons!!!!

Spare me,
this pain of separation.
I can take it no more,
the echoes from my hollow heart
A glimpse of you
and I shall attain salvation
A drop of your love
and I shall quench the fathoms of my thirst

Take me in your arms,
Hold me close to you
And when your heartbeat
has melted into mine
Look me in the eye,
to see your heart in my soul

Please spare me,
this pain of denial
I can take it no more,
the woes of my wounded heart

The best compliment I have received

My name is pronounced differently by different people.
Some stress on the "fa" and some on the "ri". (The latter is my official name pronunciation)
Some prefer to call me feri like in "hera-pheri".
There is also an old aunt who calls me"pyari".She is not a hindi connoisseur,its just how she can pronounce it. Though as a child I detested it,as I gained proficiency in hind I didn't mind it ;-)
Now,let me stop digressing from the topic.

I met a cute little girl yesterday.A doll!
I was meeting her for the first time and I had been introduced to her as the ''fari" with the stress on "fa".
She thinks I'm a "fairy"!She did a literal translation and calls me ''pari".
Now ! I have had that nickname long back, but this is different because it comes from a sweet little girl whose world revolves around barbies and cindrellas.
That has left me too happy.That's the best compliment I have got .
I am happy that I am a part of the world she shares with her stories and fairies
Thank you my baboocha!!;-)

The eyes that haunt me!

A tinge of the night sky lurks in her angel eyes
They look at me,sharply in the eye,
Her gaze boring through me
They hold a little mischief , a little darkness!
Her eyes! They haunt me!!!!

BMW 7 series Angel eyes

My song

There are lots of one-one mappings in my memory space.
I mean, my memories are mostly linked with something,some song or some word or some colour or something like that.
Here!
Let me do the association between songs and memories for some of them from my memory bank.
These are the first image or visual I get or people I think of on hearing the particular songs ;-))

1)mera juta hai japani ---
This song reminds me of my sister's KG teacher.It has been quite a long time now,the picture is a lil' hazy.But yes, I can see her made up as a clown and dancing to this song. it was some activity day for the kids

2)Subhan allah(Fanaa)---
This one's for you Meera.
Back to my hostel days at thrissur
.We used to rent movies almost every day of the final year study leave and watch them together in Zeba's computer room ;-)
Yes!just the both of us
.It used to be fun.

3)Ye tara wo tara ---
Again for you Meera.

4)Humko humi se churalo--
This is to my school days and particularly to my friend Hiba.
Those days singing used to be a background activity,whether classes were going on or not.
Once, she was singing this song at some free time.Perhaps it disturbed somebody that immediately she got a response"hamke!!!(This is a malabar gaali!!!;-))" just as she finished "humko"

5)dil chahta hai---
again to my school days.
It reminds me of our gang and all are pranks and fun.

6)Kanana chaayayil aadu meekan(malayalam)---
This songs for my grandfather who hums it now and then ;-))

7)nilavinte neela bhasma kuriyaninjavale---
This one is for a friend from college.
I can still see her expressions as she sang this once in our room ;-)

8)Pyar ke pal---
To our happy days at HI, Renu.
Me and Renu(my friend in bosch)wanted to sing this for some team activity while at Germany and we used to meet up at each other's house and practise it on and on.
But,we could never present it,even after returning back. Schade!!

9)Thumbi vaa ---
To you Sheethu(My friend in bosch).
Once we both volunteered for some singing audition at Bosch.As our turns approached nearer both of us panicked and I backed out at the last moment.(when my name was called,I sat there calmly.When they repeated my name,I myself started enquiring amongst the crowd for Fariha ;-).
I winked at the only other guy who recognized me cautioned him not to reveal it.)
Sheethu had sung this song then and it was pretty good.

10)Khalbali --
This reminds me of our final year tour at GEC and paaji(That's the nick name for the guy who sang it ;-))

11)Soni pe nakhde--
Our aerobics classes,vasudha and my attempts to learn the steps..

12)Mein kudi anjaani hu--
I can never forget your dance to this song,Arya(My friend in Bosch)

13)Marannittum enthino--
I used to force Anju(GEC,Thrissur)to sing this song.I loved her singing this.

There are lots and lots more.The list could go on and on but let me stop here,before i become emotional ;-)).