Listening to the Whispers Within

Listening to the Whispers Within
By Michelle C. Ustaszeski
Beginning in our younger years, and reinforced time and time again, we have been encouraged to reach for the stars and to follow our dreams, yet so few of us actually voyage through such a beautiful, satisfying, and difficult journey to its end. It is the journey of finding our soul's desire, recognizing and following signs along the way, while listening only to the songs and the harmony of what our hearts sing. It is allowing our souls to find their way back to where they belong. to a place where we can exhale and rest in peace once our time here has come to an end. We allow guilt to overcome, fear to overwhelm, time to discourage, and we give permission to our daily routines and current circumstances to imprison our own fate. We deny ourselves from reaching our own destinies and from the true happiness that we all deserve.
We learn many lessons throughout our lives. Some of these lessons may interfere, challenge, or overcome other, more important lessons. We have been told that focusing on ourselves, our own needs, and our own desires can be an act of selfishness. We've learned that pleasing and thinking of others before ourselves is an act of heroism. Perhaps we feel that following our own hearts and dreams, doing what we love to do, and aiming for such pleasures is being selfish, but it's not. Perhaps we feel ashamed for climbing the ladder of success when it demands change and possibly a level of discomfort for those we love the most who travel this journey along with us, but we shouldn't. And perhaps we feel we are to blame because with each step, each reach, we must leave something or even someone behind, but we aren't.
While letting go of guilt and giving ourselves permission to follow our hearts, we have to also be aware that fear dictates our every move. The fear of failure may be universal, but so is the fact that if we do not try, we are giving ourselves a life sentence of nothingness. a life where we will simply exist. Although it can be frightening to move forward into the unknown armed with nothing more than faith and to gamble with the lives, people, and things we treasure the most, it is much more frightening to be aware that if we don't, the fear that is holding us back today will transform itself into regret later in life. The fear we experience should be regarded and compared to nothing more than a mother's tender, loving, and protective embrace. Once she sees your strength, your courage, and how well you have learned to fly, she will set you free.
In a world where instant gratification is becoming more and more rampant, the issue of time itself can become a discouraging factor when imagining how long our journeys may take. Each dream and journey could take years, even a complete lifetime to obtain and travel to. Time is essential to the process as there are necessary experiences that we will need to endure and valuable lessons that we will have to extract in order to reach our destination. Do not allow the uncontrollable to discourage you. Just as a mother cannot rush the birth of her miracle until it has gone through each of its necessary stages, we must let our days unfold and go through each of their own stages. If we continue to nurture our dreams, we too, will hold our own miracles.
What is in front of us today may actually be our hearts most dangerous keeper... a master in disguise, concealing the truth while imprisoning us within an easy dwelling and comforting zone. Although our prison cells are made up of nothing more than a layer of haze placed before our eyes only, for all of our other senses know, we remain motionless as if surrounded by an indestructible barricade. The circumstances we live in and our daily routines hinder our dreams from moving forward and prevent our desires from taking action without even being aware of it. We sometimes confuse an eventful life with a fulfilled one. We allow our days to interfere with our destinies by focusing most or all of our emotions and actions on insignificant and irrelevant matters. We are all born with dreams and desires and have places we want to go. Do not let the longing to find a place where you can stop and rest cause you to settle down short of your destination. Extr! act your lessons and continue on with your journey.
We need to step away from the world we live in from time to time, sit in silence, and hear what our hearts and souls are whispering within us. We need to remove ourselves from the everyday sameness and think about where it is that we want to go. We need to follow our hearts by closing our eyes and becoming aware of our inner surroundings. We all have an imaginary sanctuary that we travel to when we close our eyes to rest at night or when the world we live in is not in harmony with whom we really are or who we really need to be. Why not close your eyes, visit that place as often as you can, and listen to each and every whisper. so that one day. when you do open your eyes, you will know exactly where to go and how to get there. Then you, your mind, your heart, and your soul can finally all rest as one.
Go now, sit back in silence, and listen to the whispers within.

The Duo - in action at School

Another of those funny incidents which always lingers in my mind..
I had to write about this one..
This is something from my school days..

I think it was in the 8th or 9th grade.

I had joined MESRRS only in the 7th standard,but by now I had created a reputation for myself and of course had secured the companionship of the daredevils of the class.
The other person involved in this situation is Soum.

We were like the 'dadas' of the class (or so we thought ).I believe we were nothing like the other girls. We were very tomboyish and always ready to pick fights with the Boy-dadas.

One day something did come up involving one of the guys(one of the above mentioned dada.)and some classmate of ours(a girl).We being the saviours of the oppressed, the messiahs of the downtroddens, naturally interfered.

"Get the hell out of here.It's none of your buisiness"
Raj(name changed) was right ofcourse!But how could we abandon our refugee

The verbal combat prevailed for some time and then the silent warfare ensued.
Hostle looks and tense breaths said it all!!I still have the picture of Rajs face all red and quivering with anger.
Maybe for 10 minutes,or less, both the parties went on unrelenting.

I was on the verge of tears.But I could'nt afford to lose.Had a reputation to maintain!!!I dared not look at Soum. I knew she was handling it well.She is tough!!

After some more tense moments Raj stormed out of the class.

"Whew!That was close."
"Da, I almost cried", said soum.

Perhaps,that's how best friends are..

Mission accomplished, we went on, saving our skins for the day...

Epilogue:
We and Raj became good friends .
One day over normal chat the topic changed to the above mentioned incident. And indeed Raj was surprised to learn how close to tears we were then...

( I ) Miss(ed) Calls

It's always a pleasure when someone thinks of you and even more when they let you know that.(Well perhaps not always!!!)
So When ever my phone rings to tell me I have a call or a message it is obvious that a smile sprouts on my face.Perhaps I should slightly rephrase this statement also.'A smile used to sprout on my face' would be better .The first reason being that I hardly get any calls or messages these days and the second one, only vodafone or icici take that trouble.
Yesterday i forgot my phone at home.(I attribute it entirely to the complete amnesia which devoured my senses at that moment when i was leaving home.)
Initially i was worried how i would survive the day.
Though it has no use these days, it's a relief when I have my mobile in my hands.
In fact I even prefer to look time in my mobile than in my wrist watch.
Just an act of habit!
And moreover, I had 2 meetings in the day!!!;-)
But,perhaps atleast today I could see a few missed calls and messages when i reach home.
The thought kept me going through the day.(I still don't understand why I expected my incoming calls to increase because I left the mobile at home.)
So it was with great expectations that i went home and checked my mobile for messages and missed calls.
But, as always there were not many,just 8 missed calls and 3 messges in the entire 12 hours i were away from it.And of these 4 were from my friends (in the next cubicle,probably calling to go out for lunch or tea!!) and 4 were unknown landline numbers, some bank or insurance company i'm sure.;-(

Perhaps Nobody else is as jobless as I am!!!!

Insanity

Blood soaked hands reach out from nowhere
Long long gory fingers
crawling,creeping, probing.
A Stifled scream,a half held breath,
the music is in the air!
That sardonic laugh,
echoing,reverbrating
They are after me.
They have teamed up with my shadow
But,Hey!Hey!
I'm a hollow man
You won't find what you seek.
I'm void, I'm free
I've deceived you with my smile
You thought you know me
But no,I'm a stranger
I've killed myself.

The silver spoon

This happened to 2 of my friends while onsite.
The names have been changed for purely security reasons!!!

Venue: Pennymarkt,Hildesheim,Germany
Cast: Tuttu and Kuttu and a spoon.

One day Tuttu and Kuttu went for shopping, the normal stuff-groceries and stuff for the coming week.As usual after the shopping and billing, tuttu was packing the day's loot in her bag and kuttu was helping her with the same.It is then that the protagonist of our story, the 'silver' spoon, leaped out of tuttu's bag and safely secured it's place somewhere between the trash cans.

Action!

The hunt begins!!

Tuttu and Kuttu started the search for the spoon.My God!If the house owner finds out that a spoon is missing!!Tuttu needed no more encouragement than that.After frantically scanning the area, finally it was spotted.But there it lay under the trash cans, beyond either of their reach!
'Chechi, get it with that rod at the counter'Kuttu suggested.
Even before tuttu could take a look at 'the rod at the counter' ,kuttu had taken the 'Next customer please !'divider, a cuboidal object which could help in the situation,from the billing counter and started her excavations.
Distracted by all this the cashier stopped the billing and volunteered to help.Our friends tried explaining the situation. Not understanding a single word, the cashier queried amongst her customers for someone who knew English.
A gentleman in the queue shot his hand up.But unfortunately neither could he make out their tale of the missing spoon.But every one present were assured that these ladies had lost something precious.
The whole shop now joined in the hunt for the missing prize .
After a few minutes of hard work and a shower in dust, the cashier lady was able to move the trash cans and all the adjoining stuff.And still nothing precious came into view .
'The tissue paper'tuttu said..
What!!We had done all this for a tissue paper.
Tuttu read the expression on the onlooker's and most importantly on the cashier's face.
'Its under the tissue paper'Tuttu put in, before their expressions transformed into exasperation .

But on seeing the treasure under the tissue, I don't think their expressions would have changed much!!!
If only someone could understand English or atleast our friends knew the german word for spoon!!!

Ode to a sweet friendship..

I chanced upon a friend's profile in Orkut.
No reason i would have checked her profile had she not given an update.
She is one of my closest friends,some one with whom i have had many a memorable moments back in college days ,and like many others ,she is also now miles apart from me. But, only in presence, not to my heart .
Hey friend,
Do you remember...
those sleepless nights on the hostel terrace where we have sat and chatted on exam eves!
those late night combined studies when we dozed off almost immidiately!
those college days we have together attended,howling and shouting and cheering"Tatta Tatta tatta tta...eyya hua .."
those hostel days we made memorable with our skits .
those tears I have showered on your shoulders!
those endless gossips we shared!
And the list could go on..
And how could i ever forget your thrissur accent!!!;-)
I hardly could catch a word the first time we spoke!!

Well!!Those silly flakes of memories rained over me.But look at where life has taken me!!It needed an orkut update for me to remember my friend!!Have i become so busy in life or am i deliberately putting myself away from these memories lest they should make me emotional?

(She was not my classmate, but a batchmate and hostel mate.
So no bunking classes together and copying assignments and tests.
This will probably end up as another blog, starring me and my partner in crime.God!That's a lot to tell..)

An evening by your side...........

The blazing sun sank over a hazy horizon.It was a beautiful sunset.
They sat there enjoying the beauty of the moment,enjoying each other's presence.

She was happy,very happy.This was a dream come true.Destiny or fate or the God whom she called upon every day had bought him next to her today.
She dared not look at him.She was apprehensive of facing her only dream. She was apprehensive of looking at the face that she had seen only with her heart all these years.

Silence..that vast ocean that had engulfed their lives prevailed.
Silence could speak and they had always spoken in silence.
The same silence with which they had acknowledged their feelings,the same silence with which she went away from his life, the same silence with which he watched her leave,unable to hold her back.

She wanted to hold his hands,to lock her fingers in his.But she dared not.What if that offended him?What if he got up and left?

He took her hands in his.Her heart skipped a beat.She looked into his eyes.She saw her face in them.
"Why did you leave me?"His eyes seemed to ask.

Her eyes ,so beautiful, so pretty.They still had that spark.They could still captivate him.If only time would freeze!He wished.
But even now, he knew , he couldn't hold her back.

"A moment in time is all between you and me
A moment in time I will not let go"

He told in silence.

She got up to leave, praying he would call her back.
She walked away without looking back at him even once.Tears rolled down her cheeks.Why aren't the stars still not shining upon her.

He looked at the empty seat beside him,at the void in his life.He knew he couldn't survive it again..

"Ria,please don't leave me again".The silence broke.
The night sky sparkled with a million stars...