Nostalgia

22 months later, down the same lanes, amidst the same spirit, I try to get a glimpse of the me that was. I try to find my shadow in the milling Bangalore crowd.

Bangalore was still the same. Yet, something was different. Laughing, ecstatic crowd, restaurants and boutiques, malls and multiplexes. Yet, something had changed. It is not the same crowd, or the same buildings. The spirit is the same, the form had changed.

In the distance I could see a group of young girls walking towards me. Happy, vibrant and indeed having a good time. As they walked past me I caught a phrase or two of their conversation. They were just out of college and had just moved into the city with their new job. New found friends, new found independence – they were just celebrating.

Did I get a glimpse of myself in them?

Independence, confidence and a lot of fun times with friends, that is what the city had bestowed upon me.

I walked around A2B and reached ‘Friends’. The familiar aroma of the snacks and tea at A2B filled my nostrils.

"Hiiiiiiiiiiii….."

"AAaaaaaaaa Eeeeeeeeeeeeee"

"Oooooooooooooooooo"

No matter how much we had grown up (Or had we??), we still remain the same young girls who came from different directions to this city to start our lives.

Anu and Sheethu were waiting for me inside.

Lunch was just a formality. We had lots more to catch up.

"Gal, You have lost so much weight!"

"Wow! That’s a pretty dress!"

"And look at you, so stunning!"

Girls are always girls!

But, indeed, the girls had grown up.

"So, How is your hubby doing??"

"Hey, is that your baby’s photo??? Cho Chweeeet!!!!!!!!!"

"How is the wedding preparations going on…"

We never had a dearth for topic anyways!!!

Coming back to the rear gate of Bosch, it felt like any of those ordinary days at work.

Through the gate I could see people still doing their post lunch rounds around the building.

I left Anu and Sheethu there and made my way to the Forum mall. As I walked around the corner, I could see the BOSCH sign on top of the building. A familiar wave of joy swept past me. It just brought to mind our initial days here, when we had our tea on the terrace.

Forum is always full of people.

Memories about the place can never be contained in a few lines. 33 months of life at Bangalore had revolved around this haven. 'Tharavad' as we lovingly called it.

We were there at every nook and corner of the place. Celebrating every occasion here, including boredom. And even today, I could find myself every where.

I could see us sitting on the pavement outside, laughing and cooing.

I am amongst the crowd milling inside. I am one of those in that bubbly group of youngsters thronging near the entrance. I am one of those single shoppers finding my way through the Brands.

I am one of those bookworms getting my hands on each and every book at Landmark. I am amongst those shoppers moving in and out of Soch.

I am there in that group lounging at Transit and yes I am definitely in the ticket counter at PVR.

After, doing my rounds at Forum, I came down to meet Ghoshettan at the ground floor. Another series of reminiscence.

The breeze still carried the chime of our laughters, the lanes still spoke of our togetherness.

Nostalgia is only when you miss something. I have always felt this spirit within. I have never been away from this fun. The whole world around me, now, might have changed, but I realize that the frame work, the friendships, that held the world around me is still intact. My shadow had never let me.

As we walked along, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the glass panes of the exit.

"Gal, keep up the confidence and spirit. Have a lovely life ahead."

"Adieu."

10 June,2010

Feeling very nostalgic and depressed and all.

The monsoons always bring to mind the reopening of schools.

New bags and umbrellas and water-bottles and all. Isn't it a treat to watch the lil ones go to school.

Give me some sunshine

Give me some rain

Give me another chance

I wanna grow up once again

The lines are playing in my head in a repeat mode.

I really wish , I could go back in time and live some older time.

I remember looking out of the window ,in some high school class, at the heavy shower.

It was one of those typical moments were everything else froze, the professor and the class and all, only the rain drops moved.(And I remember, it was the Physics class of XI)

I wish to go back to school, to that class

I miss those days.

If any of you dumbos are reading this- I miss you guys!!!

The only tension those days were getting more marks and the pimples!!

I miss the gang,the canteen,the fights and so many things. These are cliched words!!!

But when it comes to nostalgia, everyone long for the same , I guess.

The Get together

The onset of monsoon every year inevitably reminds me of the same thing--the reopening of schools after the summer holidays.
I have been contemplating this post for long.But every time I start it I become nostalgic and just stall it.
Any way here is a fictitious batch get together of my school mates.
I have wrapped in some true humurous incidents on the pretext of an imaginary reunion.

There are still more incidents,still more characters and memories.Let them come out at some other occassion.
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It has been 10 years since our batch left the premises.
College,Office,marriage...each of our lives have changed a lot.
And after the long gap we decided to catch up with the changes.

Today we are all going to meet after a decade.
We could think of no better venue than what came up in our minds on the first note. Unanimously we decided it to be the same old school grounds.
So be it!

My heart danced at the thought of the reunion,at the thought being the roll no 25 again,at the thought of going back to 12B.
Everyone would come,I am sure,may be with their husbands,wifes,kids..
How would they all look??I myself haven't changed much though.
I tried to imagine each of them weighted by the 10 years.
My curiosity kept mounting.

Atleast today let me be the first one in the school.;)
As I stepped in the campus, a familiar breeze caressed me

"Sahil"
Present ma'am, I replied

A slight shiver ran through me.

The buildings were all different,yet the same.
The auditorium,canteen,classrooms,all echoed our screems,our cheers,our tears!!

There goes the long bell!!
One by one, the bikes screeched to a halt near the gate.
The vice principal madame had issued a strict warning the previous day to those who came on bikes.
The result: even those who didn't have bikes came on one today,after borrowing,begging or may be getting a new one!!!

Teenage pranks!!!
As I laughed to myself musing over our audacity,I saw kabir enter through the back gate.
I couldn't supress a laugh.
He had never been on time.Always stood at the door with the tie loosely dangling around his neck as the teacher took the attendance.This, given that his house was the nearest to the school!!
Today not only was he early,he had his tie properly knotted too.

I was behind a pillar in the new building on the other side.He wouldn't see me unless I moved a little.
I am not yet ready to meet him.I have a lot more to reminisce.

He walked into the the class room.Yes,into our 12B.

"Suppandiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii"
The call came from the other class 12A.A sort of good morning greeting.Tres's way of announcing her presence.

"x#!&&***"
The reply too was spontaneous.

And our class teacher would just look at us smile.
Yes! all these happened when she was in the class.
She was the silent accomplice in all our mischieves and always our saviour.

I could see few people enter the campus.It took me some time to figure out who.God!It's Tres,Varun and Sajan.
I am sure Kabir would now leap out to meet them.
"Macha"
"Dude, what's that patch on your chin"
They all screemed and hugged.
Laughing,fighting they returned to the class

I continue my tour of the campus.
The canteen is completely different now.It looks more like a canteen now.!!
I miss canteen aunty's fried rice!!

It used to be one plate and multiple hands.Hardly a mouthful for each of us,but that could fill our hearts and stomachs.

Here comes Dr.Chetan.He waved at me from the distance.I am coming,I gestured in reply.
He smiled back.
He was the studious,hilarious,smart,witty one.And today our little master is a Doctor!!
He entered the class and a whirl of laughter spurted out!!With Chetan,I should have guessed!!!

Sakshi,Lakshmi,Sana,Jiya,Sumi the ladies just came in.
They all look fabulous.So much changed,yet so much the same.They cooed and laughed and joked!!

"Sanaaaaaaaaa"

"oooooooooooo"

"hiiiiiiiiiii"

"Where were you"

"I called you so many times"

"Hey,what are you doing these days"

"You look so slim"

"I saw your pics in Orkut..Beautiful dear"

"Hey guys, did you know, the guy near my house........."

"Where did you get that necklace from.It's gorgeous"

Ouch!!These ladies!!!Give me one topic they cannot talk about!!

The guys were being rather formal.Starting trouble perhaps.International topics and politics and business and all!!

"Macha ##@@&&%**"The remaining batallion trooped in.

"School Sawdhan!!Vishram!!"
And our school captain entered with a broad smile.

Everyone once again became the old Suppandi and kuttosan and kapish.

I can't restrain myself anymore. Let me join the pack!!!

Guys!!Guys!!Look at this.
Someone shouted.
We all poured are heads to get a glimpse of the subject of interest.

The wooden desks and benches still carried our names.
10 years back we had engraved them on these.And it had not come without any pain.
For one whole week we were punished.We were made to sit on floor.The desks and benches were removed from our class!!

We laughed at the memory.

"Friends!!!
Thank you all for coming.
Gone are those days of History,Geography and mathematics
Gone are those days of practicals,labs and dramatics
Gone are those days of innocent fights,mischeives and jokes
Gone are those days of beautiful school days

But their memories will always linger,in me,within me and around me,you and all!!

I am happy to see you all.Happy that we all could make it.Happy that we have all carried forward the goodness this institution has instilled in us.
But there is a face I miss today and I am sure , even you do.

To you,Sahil!!May your soul rest in peace"

Chetan inaugerated the get-together.

The class was silent.
Time heals all wounds,but leave behind a scar.
Even after 10 years,the loss of a friend hurt.

My class looks complete,wonderful.
Doctors, Engineers, Businessmen,Celebrities what not can't I boast about.
I am happy that we were all here once,that we were all here now.
This is my class.Sahil's class....

My song

There are lots of one-one mappings in my memory space.
I mean, my memories are mostly linked with something,some song or some word or some colour or something like that.
Here!
Let me do the association between songs and memories for some of them from my memory bank.
These are the first image or visual I get or people I think of on hearing the particular songs ;-))

1)mera juta hai japani ---
This song reminds me of my sister's KG teacher.It has been quite a long time now,the picture is a lil' hazy.But yes, I can see her made up as a clown and dancing to this song. it was some activity day for the kids

2)Subhan allah(Fanaa)---
This one's for you Meera.
Back to my hostel days at thrissur
.We used to rent movies almost every day of the final year study leave and watch them together in Zeba's computer room ;-)
Yes!just the both of us
.It used to be fun.

3)Ye tara wo tara ---
Again for you Meera.

4)Humko humi se churalo--
This is to my school days and particularly to my friend Hiba.
Those days singing used to be a background activity,whether classes were going on or not.
Once, she was singing this song at some free time.Perhaps it disturbed somebody that immediately she got a response"hamke!!!(This is a malabar gaali!!!;-))" just as she finished "humko"

5)dil chahta hai---
again to my school days.
It reminds me of our gang and all are pranks and fun.

6)Kanana chaayayil aadu meekan(malayalam)---
This songs for my grandfather who hums it now and then ;-))

7)nilavinte neela bhasma kuriyaninjavale---
This one is for a friend from college.
I can still see her expressions as she sang this once in our room ;-)

8)Pyar ke pal---
To our happy days at HI, Renu.
Me and Renu(my friend in bosch)wanted to sing this for some team activity while at Germany and we used to meet up at each other's house and practise it on and on.
But,we could never present it,even after returning back. Schade!!

9)Thumbi vaa ---
To you Sheethu(My friend in bosch).
Once we both volunteered for some singing audition at Bosch.As our turns approached nearer both of us panicked and I backed out at the last moment.(when my name was called,I sat there calmly.When they repeated my name,I myself started enquiring amongst the crowd for Fariha ;-).
I winked at the only other guy who recognized me cautioned him not to reveal it.)
Sheethu had sung this song then and it was pretty good.

10)Khalbali --
This reminds me of our final year tour at GEC and paaji(That's the nick name for the guy who sang it ;-))

11)Soni pe nakhde--
Our aerobics classes,vasudha and my attempts to learn the steps..

12)Mein kudi anjaani hu--
I can never forget your dance to this song,Arya(My friend in Bosch)

13)Marannittum enthino--
I used to force Anju(GEC,Thrissur)to sing this song.I loved her singing this.

There are lots and lots more.The list could go on and on but let me stop here,before i become emotional ;-)).

jeevan nahi mara karta hai

One of my favourite poems..
Got it after days of googling....

I can perhaps comprehend the meaning of the lines only now, though this was learnt in the high school

Chip Chip ashru bahaane waalon
Moti vyarth lutane waalon !
Kuch sapnon ke mar jane se
jeevan nahin mara karta hai

Sapnaa kya hai ?
Nayan sez par,Soya hua aankh ka paani
Aur tootna hai uska jyon
Jage kachchi neend jawaniGeelee umar banaane walon!
Doobe bina nahaane waalon
Kuch pani ke bah jane se
saawan nahin mara karta hai

Mala bikhar gayi to kya hai
Khud hi hal ho gayi samasyaa
Aansoo gar neelaam huye
toSamjho poori huyi tapasyaa
Roothe divas manaane walon!
Phati kameez silaane waalon!
Kuch deepon ke bujh jaane se
aangan nahin mara karta hai

Khota kuch bhi nahin yahan par
Kewal zild badaltee pothee
Jaise raat utaar chandani
Pehne subah dhoop ki dhoti
Vastra badal kar aane waalon !
Chaal badalkar jaane waalon!
Chand Khilounon ke khone se
bachpan nahin maraa karta hai

Laakhon baar gagriyaan phooteen
Shikan na aayi panghat par
Lakhon baar kishtiyaan doobeen
Chahal-pehal wo hi hai tat par
Tam ki umra badhaane waalon!
Lau ki aayu ghatane waalon !
Laakh kare patjhad koshish par
upvan nahin maraa kartaa hai

Loot liya maali ne upvan
Luti na lekin gandh phool ki
Toofaanon tak ne cheda
parKhidki band na huyi dhool kee
Nafrat gale lagaane waalon!
Sab par dhool udaane waalon
Kuch mukhdon ki naaraazee se darpan nahin maraa karta hai

Chip Chip ashru bahaane waalon
Moti vyarth lutane waalon !
Kuch sapnon ke mar jane se
jeevan nahin mara karta hai

Gopal Das 'Neeraj'

The Duo - in action at School

Another of those funny incidents which always lingers in my mind..
I had to write about this one..
This is something from my school days..

I think it was in the 8th or 9th grade.

I had joined MESRRS only in the 7th standard,but by now I had created a reputation for myself and of course had secured the companionship of the daredevils of the class.
The other person involved in this situation is Soum.

We were like the 'dadas' of the class (or so we thought ).I believe we were nothing like the other girls. We were very tomboyish and always ready to pick fights with the Boy-dadas.

One day something did come up involving one of the guys(one of the above mentioned dada.)and some classmate of ours(a girl).We being the saviours of the oppressed, the messiahs of the downtroddens, naturally interfered.

"Get the hell out of here.It's none of your buisiness"
Raj(name changed) was right ofcourse!But how could we abandon our refugee

The verbal combat prevailed for some time and then the silent warfare ensued.
Hostle looks and tense breaths said it all!!I still have the picture of Rajs face all red and quivering with anger.
Maybe for 10 minutes,or less, both the parties went on unrelenting.

I was on the verge of tears.But I could'nt afford to lose.Had a reputation to maintain!!!I dared not look at Soum. I knew she was handling it well.She is tough!!

After some more tense moments Raj stormed out of the class.

"Whew!That was close."
"Da, I almost cried", said soum.

Perhaps,that's how best friends are..

Mission accomplished, we went on, saving our skins for the day...

Epilogue:
We and Raj became good friends .
One day over normal chat the topic changed to the above mentioned incident. And indeed Raj was surprised to learn how close to tears we were then...

Ode to a sweet friendship..

I chanced upon a friend's profile in Orkut.
No reason i would have checked her profile had she not given an update.
She is one of my closest friends,some one with whom i have had many a memorable moments back in college days ,and like many others ,she is also now miles apart from me. But, only in presence, not to my heart .
Hey friend,
Do you remember...
those sleepless nights on the hostel terrace where we have sat and chatted on exam eves!
those late night combined studies when we dozed off almost immidiately!
those college days we have together attended,howling and shouting and cheering"Tatta Tatta tatta tta...eyya hua .."
those hostel days we made memorable with our skits .
those tears I have showered on your shoulders!
those endless gossips we shared!
And the list could go on..
And how could i ever forget your thrissur accent!!!;-)
I hardly could catch a word the first time we spoke!!

Well!!Those silly flakes of memories rained over me.But look at where life has taken me!!It needed an orkut update for me to remember my friend!!Have i become so busy in life or am i deliberately putting myself away from these memories lest they should make me emotional?

(She was not my classmate, but a batchmate and hostel mate.
So no bunking classes together and copying assignments and tests.
This will probably end up as another blog, starring me and my partner in crime.God!That's a lot to tell..)

A short flash back

It's 2 years since i am in Bangalore.
But i still feel like my first day here
This city is still a stranger to me and im still trying desperately to find my niche here.
Nothing has changed in the last 2 years.

I still know only Koramangala area and ofcourse Brigade and MG road.

I still havent learnt kannada. The only line i know even now is'Kannada Gothilla'

I have grown from a fresher to a senior software engineer(Well, there is another 2 months to go!!!) and I still haven't learnt c++(I hope my manager does not see this!!!;-))

I have put on 10Kgs.Still I fit into some of the old clothes(Thanks to my tailor who altered every stitch ;-))

I still watch movies at the minimum rate of one per week.

I like ranbir kapoor.Still Shahrukh rules my heart and i still watch DDLJ on a regular basis.

I still cry whenever i leave home after a weekend.

And I am still as confused and insane as ever.

Well,no complaints!!!Changes always make me nervous..